he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
