It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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