ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
