So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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