im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
