ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
