So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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