I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
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Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
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I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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