I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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