I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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