I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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