trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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