im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
