I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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