Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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