At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
