There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
