the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
