Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
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He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
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I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??