also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
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I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
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We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.