Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?