Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
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She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
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Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You're a waste of cheezeits
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?