Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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