i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
