So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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