yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
