Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
