buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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