Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
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