Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
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