I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
