They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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