You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
