Whod you bang
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
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