I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
