Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
