I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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