32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
should my penis look like a turkey
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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