it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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