If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
