just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You're like the curious george of whores
you had me at cake vodka
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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