So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
