Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
The best revenge is premature balding
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
