I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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