Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize