I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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