id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
pray to the hookup gods
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
