sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
