being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
