Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
