During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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