Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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