One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I wish there were birth control emojis
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
