You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
