in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
