I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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