Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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