got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Randomize
