Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
