We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
i think i just lost a toe
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
