At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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