ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
