My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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