hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
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What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
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You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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