Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
