this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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